In which we discovered a buttock detection device 🍑

FROM THE ARCHIVES

I found myself wandering aimlessly on what could be described as the lawn, but in reality would better fit the words “unkempt disaster meadow”. Long grass tickling my knees. Hidden lumps and dips to stumble over and into.

I found a shed. In that shed was a shiny red motor mower. It hasn’t moved for at least 18 months. I fancy myself a bit of a practical chap, so I took the battery out of it and I put it on charge in one of the other sheds1 for a couple of days.

It rains. Then there is sunshine. Then more rain. The grass starts looking long and luscious. We either need to get some sheep2 — really soon, or that mower needs to start working.

Then, there was some more sunshine, and an opportunity to see to the grass. I removed the ignition barrel from the mower, and took it inside, to see if I could work out how to hotwire it. Was amazed to find we actually have a key that fits. Back to the shed.

The battery had enough life to turn the motor over, but it wouldn’t start.

I took the cover off the engine, checked fuel and oil.

I tried to pull-start the thing a few times. Didn’t work.

I took the sparkplug out. It looked clean, fresh, and smelled of petrol. There was no spark though.

No spark. So, it’s the battery, or the coil, or the HT lead.

I pulled the battery out of my motorbike – I knew that was ok. I jump-leaded that to the mower, and while the engine turned, it was still not starting. Dammit.

The coil and lead looked nice and clean. The air filter was fine.

A friend said, “Are you actually sitting in it when you try to start it?”

I looked again at the wiring. There’s a lead that goes up under the seat. The mower has a buttock detector. With jump-leads attached and actually sitting in the thing – it started!

For the next hour or so, Vicky and I took turns pootling around the lawn drinking beer in the sunshine. A thoroughly splendid way to spend a spring evening, away from the dust and heavy lifting of cottage renovation.

Decided I might mow the lawn again the next evening. Possibly the one after that, as well.